Friday, September 27, 2013

Life?

This letter isn’t going to be a “here are your problems, and this is how you fix them” letter. Because, to be honest, the problems you are having are outside my ability to understand.

High school was so much easier, right? People were simpler and life was less volatile...less serious. Now living is full of gross responsibilities and people learning to deal with how life really is and we still want to do things we like but now there are sacrifices and we need to make some but no one wants to make them because we like all our stuff and sometimes they just are taken from us and and but and then when we ksdgu ohdfig hdsfAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Sound familiar? Probably. I could tell you everything is going to be ok, and I am always here for you to vent to; but, the prior is a lie and the second is a Band-Aid.

So here is a bit of truth. Life is never safe, you don’t get what you want in the end, and the person you bet everything on will leave you with scars and a bleeding, wounded heart. You will regret decisions, and some paths unfollowed will cast you into daydreams that only hurt all the more for their beauty.

Also truth: Life is beautiful. The person you bet everything on will make you happy and bring tears of joy to your eyes at times. God will send you a gift basket full of chocolate and happiness. And the end of it all, you will be able to say you loved and fought. You will be able to say you took a chance to live as full as you can, and that choice was yours to take.

Buuuutttt Ralphhhhhhhh…….that doesnt help meeeeeeeeee.

Nope. It does not. But here are some things that can help one gain perspective. Things that can motivate someone to chin up, dust off, and stand up ready to knock out or be knocked out again.

First. Own your choices. Do fall into the temptation of blaming experiences or trauma for the person you are. “Life is never safe.” There is one thing you control in this universe: yourself. Admit to yourself that you made a choice and that it had consequences. One cannot recover or release stress from a consequence that they refuse to admit they played a part in.

Second. You are not responsible for making everyone happy or not displeasing anyone. The Lord said “You will be hated by all  for my name’s sake.” You are Christian, someone must hate you. No sense in attempting to keep everyone happy. Also relevant: You can not make anyone happy, ever. This important to know.The joy in a person’s life is entirely their own. There are things you can do to influence someone to have joy and things you can do to influence someone’s day to be worse (see “First” for more information about owning your choices.). But neither is you forcing them into joy or depression. Knowing this, there is a follow up to not being responsible for other’s happiness.

Third. You are responsible for maintaining your own joy and self value. Guess what? You are intrinsically beautiful and amazing to behold. Are you special? Maybe, maybe not. Being special does not make one have more joy. Instead, the important thing is that as a human being, bearing the imago dei, especially one human being saved in the love of Jesus Christ, you have no reason to allow the world to tell you that you do not deserve joy. One does not deserve joy. We are all screw ups, slobs, let downs, push-overs, back-stabbers, and murderers. We have joy because can choose joy through Christ.

Fourth. Be genuine. This is not the same as be honest. Being genuine means your kindness is never forced and your smiles are never false. It is the culmination of “First,” “Second,” and “Third.” Helping someone, loving someone is much more effective and much more real when one can say their mean every word that leaves their mouth.



RALPH. BRO. STILL NOT HELPING ME.

How-to tips:

1. You need alone time. Hours a week, at least minutes a day. Alone time means without your phone or computer. Alone time means just you and your thoughts. Maybe an animal.
Personally, I love doing this at night. Sitting outside with my dogs, smoking a cigar. This is important time, not to relax necessarily, but to let myself feel. Especially in America today, it is super hard to find time to just FEEL LIFE. To just let myself be depressed or happy or ecstatic. It is necessary for our minds to be able to let go and move on. To talk to God; ask him silly questions like why pugs are the cutest dogs ever or more serious ones about why I can not seem to stop doing thing I know hurt myself. Invaluable, this time is.
2. Accept loss. Do not avoid pain. It is akin to avoiding going to the doctor for an injury. the result is usually just more pain. “Life is never safe.” It is a truth. Loss and pain will happen, sometimes frequently. Cry. Weep and hurt and know that you are in pain. Then you can heal.
3. Keep smiling. Make a joke when everything is crashing around you. Akin to spitting on Satan’s joy, making a joke when Life is ruining yours is a good way to hold onto your joy.
“Well I didn’t like the paint on that house anyway. Finally get a better colour now that this one is ashes now.”
Dark humour helps cope, and it isn’t fake. Dark humour acknowledges that the pain exists, but tells the pain “Fuck off, you don’t own me.” Own your choices, and own your life. It is yours. Love it because it is yours.

Life does not have a handbook, but hey. These are things to live by. Try it.

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